MISSING,
What’s there in missing?
Probably the hardest thing one could ever feel…
Definitely the hardest thing I ever felt.
The most suck-ish feeling ever invented.
It sucks to miss someone or something simply because no matter what you do YOU CAN NEVER TAKE THINGS BACK the way it was before. Or maybe we could but IT WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME. Nothing comes twice in our lives; everything’s made and done for that one single moment. And when those moments pass everything else pass. And sitting alone in the night thinking about those moments and remembering how it felt being there once would be the only thing you could ever do to remind yourself that IT DID HAPPEN. Time passes… and sad fact is all we could ever get a hold of are mere memories of what has been.
I hate missing someone like hell. ‘Cause when you feel it, that’s all gonna be it. Well, some do stuffs, actually everyone do things to ease it and some succeed but mostly don’t. And it sucks to say I’m one of the unfortunates who weren’t able to make it to the “some who succeed” list and living a miserable life being one of the “mostly’s”.
I don’t know why, maybe I’m just simply born clingy. I suck at letting things go and time has never been a good healer for me. And blah-blah-blah… so much for the introduction so let me just jump into what I really, really want to let out.
The thing is I miss SOMEONE. :”(
The same person I’ve been blogging and blogging about ever since I had my blogger account. Sucks to admit it but yeah, I miss her still. I’m still thinking about her and I still care for her. All this time I’ve been keeping it to myself, trying to push my thoughts of her out every time it slips in. I’ve been doing well so far until just now. Sometimes people just can’t win at some stuffs, it’s a fact and for me that “stuff” is having to miss her badly. It’s been a while since our last talk and I haven’t seen her too, in while also, but she never fails to get in to my head like everyday. And I don’t know how’s that possible but it just that everything around me reminds me of her. EVERY SINGLE THING turns out to be always about her. And sometimes I think I’ve been “over-thinking” about her that I ask myself if she does the same. That for an hour of me thinking of her, do I even manage to get in to her thoughts as well even just for a single millisecond. And if I do, does it make her smile like her thoughts always do to me. Does it make her happy? Having to think about me, knowing that once she had me and that it felt so great that she thought of maybe getting things back? It felt so perfect that she asked herself ‘what if nothing has changed since the first time she told me she loves me and there was nothing else perfect for me to say but just the fact that I do to, even more than she does for me?’. DOES SHE?
I’m thinking NO, ‘cause if she does I won’t be blogging about how I miss her right now but instead I’d be telling the whole net world how perfect things are with her. MUSTARD! Pretty unfair though, but I know that’s just how things are. You miss someone badly and there’s like a 5% chance of her missing you too. I don’t know anymore, what I only know is that right now all I want is for her to message me, or call me and tell me she misses me. Pretty impossible though but I that’s all I really want.
And shifting the point from “she, telling me she misses me” to “she never does” I guess I’d just be waiting for the time when I can’t even spell her name right anymore, if that’s possible ‘cause there are actually two letters in her name spelled repeatedly, but still I’m hoping to be ‘able’ to do that. And her name wouldn’t stop my whole world the moment I hear it. And that I’d be able to watch films without picturing her watching by my side and that every scene in the movie wouldn’t remind me of what we used to do before. Or hear songs without associating her with every word. And walking in the streets alone along with the orange lamp posts wouldn’t remind me of her walking by me doing crazy stuffs as she always does. Or eating hotdogs and meatloaves without remembering the day when she cooked me those meals because I was starving and I don’t want to eat so she cooked and forced me to eat it. Dude, when that time comes I’d be forever grateful like hell I’d be.
I just don’t want to feel this anymore. I got to move on and stop thinking about her.
I OWE IT TO MYSELF.
